Many gay, bisexual and queer men have noticed that in the world of gay male sex most gay men prefer being sexually submissive or bottom. Some have told me their experience has been the numbers or more like 10 or even 20 to one.
Whether we call it bottoming, submission or something else, at the core most guys like someone else to take the lead. Of course, this depends some seekign the geographic region adutl the specific activities that are involved.
It can also bring xa some friction inside long-term relationships. Here are some reasons why most gay and bisexual men prefer to bottom or be submissive, letting their partner lead. Yes, they may find it entertaining or tolerate it, but even the simplest, discreet displays of affection it can still be met with subtle disapproval.
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Sex is often the only time many men get to receive the type of touch that ideally we could also receive in social settings. Whether your partner massages you, spanks you, penetrates or ties you, you get touched a lot Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive than he does.
Generally, the dominant or top only gets touched on Looking for sex Orizaba Orizaba hands and genitals.
In our Western cultures, we define masculinity based on action and accomplishment. We often downplay the receptive side of masculinity. We all need balance in our lives. We need both supportive encouragement and challenge, rest and exercise, sleeping adul waking, giving and receiving.
Fundamentally with most traditional sexual activities, the bottom or submissive partner is receiving and the dominant is giving. It can work the other way around, but for the most part we act and think about it this way. When we talk aeult balancing Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive, polarity also comes into play. Polarity is an important factor in creating sexual attraction.Black Or Hispanic Female Wanted
As the saying goes, opposites attract. When people talk about sexual tension or say there was sesking sexual charge in the air they are talking about polarity. Polarity affects why we often are drawn to people different from us or to extremes of giving and receiving like erotic bondage or spanking.
When it comes to gay men having sex, they do not have the built-in polarity that exists biologically between a man and a woman. At the same time, most gay men are drawn to masculine presenting men.
Thus, the natural instinct to create polarity and thus sexual tension may lead gay men to more heavily emphasize Closet California male looking for closet sub and receiving. One guy wants to only give or only receive, to only bottom Ladies wants casual sex Mars hill NorthCarolina 28754 only top, rather than meeting in the middle in a more mutual, reciprocal way.
All of this then Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive be an underlying factor affecting why many guys to prefer to bottom or be submissive, and are reluctant to be versatile. This is true in any part of life and sex. You also need to figure out what is the right intensity for the other person, so that it is exciting but not overwhelming for Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive. Even with vanilla sex, as the top or leader you need to make decisions and gauge the right speed, intensity and flow of activities that will work best for your partner, not just yourself.
As the leader, top or dominant you also need to walk the line between fantasy and reality. If your partner is not clear about what he wants, you need to deal with the fact that often what we think we want sexually and are turned on thinking about is not the precise thing that would be the most satisfying for him or you. For example, he may think he wants to experience more, or may even ask for more intensity than he might actually be able to tolerate.
All of this means that it takes work to be the guy in charge, top, to be Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive — and to do it well. Another reason for the supply and demand issue between gay male tops and bottoms is body enjoyment. Much of the effort in being a top or dom is mental.
This takes energy even for a skilled top with a regular partner. You end up asking yourself questions like: How much am I Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive it? What do I need to change? However, all this thinking can make it harder to go out of your mind and into your body, so that you can really a the pleasure of the experience. After all, a big draw of sex — whether conservative or aggressively playful — is body enjoyment.
And that leads more guys to want to be submissive than be seekkng top or dominant.
An unexpected reason most gay men prefer being sexually submissive is that over recent seekiing, there has been growing acceptance of sexual differences, including of gay men. The legalization of Ladies seeking sex tonight Weston WestVirginia 26452 marriage Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive the United States and the rise to fame of 50 Shades of Gray are only two of the many milestones that have marked this change.
Although there have been Sucking dick in Horningsea, the movement towards freedom and acceptance continues. With growing acceptance, seekinf men feel safer in their day to day lives.
Thus, gay men are more able to place their attention higher on the pyramid to things such as love and notably fulfillment. Experiences that have been less common and which are considered desirable are more on the cultural radar of gay men then they were in the long distant past. Being vulnerable, receptive and at the same time safe, is appealing for many reasons. These days even many straight Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive are drawn to sexual expressions that are marked by greater vulnerability such as being bound or receptive anal sex.
This is noteworthy since being receptive and vulnerable flies against traditional notions of masculinity. The story has been told many times of men who are successful lawyers or CEOs who want to lose control in the bedroom, or of those without much power at work who want to be in charge in the bedroom. In past times, simply being gay meant you were not safe in many ways. You could lose your job, your home and even your life. In more recent times where basic safety is less Wives want real sex Corralitos concern, gay men thus feel freer to let go of control, to explore and experiment with other sexual roles.
One reason most gay ssubmissive prefer being sexually submissive is that gay men have many more models Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive of how they can express submissivee experience their sexuality than they did in the past.
You had to leave your home to obtain them. Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive available media was usually in the form of posed still images and stories.
Generally, these were professionally produced, as well.
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It was much more common to Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive scantily clad models sseeking it was to show real, live action sex. Nowadays, sexual images are infinitely more available than in the past. Contemporary imagery is much more explicit. Sometimes sex is simulated but much less often than in the past. In addition, there is a lot of home produced amateur pornography, both still images and video. For the most part this did not exist in years past.
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There is much less of a barrier between the viewer submussive amateur producer. While professionally produced porn sometimes tries to look natural it often relies on expensive special effects and costly sets. The difference may be subtle, but fundamentally it is easier to see yourself as possibly doing or experiencing something that an amateur has produced. All of this Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive means that gay men today wivez more models of the wide variety of sexual experiences they can have.
They also see many more examples of masculine men enjoying being submissive, bottoming, being receptive or just following the lead of their partner. Traditionally, masculinity was more closely linked to sexual orientation being heterosexual than femininity was. This is one of the reasons men are more likely to be homophobic than women. While traditional masculinity still has Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive strong hold on English-speaking, western-thinking cultures, the notions of masculinity have softened and become more flexible.
Society has changed in many ways. For example, roles that were traditionally the domain of women — like being a nurse or Horny women Nagambie — are less likely to be considered inappropriate for men. These days a man who is artistic, a great cook or in the theater or a dancer is less submssive to be assumed to be gay than in the past.
Thus one reason most gay men prefer being sexually submissive is that we see more permission in the culture for men to express their emotions and ways of being that are not traditional and hyper-masculine.
Traditionally, if a man was Want some pleasure he was considered less masculine. While gay men may have consciously rejected this idea the temptation to believe it at an unconscious level was real. Socially it could save one from physical danger or economic hardship. Psychologically it could be a savior too. Living as part of a small minority in an environment where almost everyone thought badly of people like you can make it Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive to maintain a positive self-esteem.
The previously widespread experience for men of being in the military common due to the draft also encouraged all men towards hyper-masculinity. The idea of what it means to be masculine has softened or become much more flexible in the broader culture.
Much of the stigma of being gay has ault, from English-speaking countries at least.Discrete Bbw Encounter
The need Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive be hyper-masculine is much less important today and this change is showing up in the bedroom. Seekong example of this is the increasing numbers of straight men who are enjoying receptive anal sex. As the notions of masculinity have softened and become more flexible, many gay men feel less constrained in many aspects of their life including sexually.
Exploring, being the follower, the receptive partner, seeking submissive is more accessible and desirable. These factors usually occur and motivate us outside of conscious awareness. This will give you more options, and thus more intimacy and pleasure. Mark Davian is an author, relationship coach and sex educator fiercely committed to helping sex positive people experience the happiness, intimacy, pleasure and success they long adlut.
His teaching and writing can be found at www. Like being touched by men believe I am bottom submissive love being used for pleasing very horny men. I just read your article.
You make a bunch of good points, but the one I identified within myself most is my almost lifetime recognition of a shortage of touch. I Wm seeking friend companion Pittsburgh being touched, whether erotically or with a good flogging to be akin to Muscular adult wives aa male seeking submissive made love to. First, in the typical gay scenario, whether vanilla or BDSM, the touch received by a top or dom is only on a very small area.
Most commonly he would only receive touch on his hands and his penis which might or might Msucular be sheathed in a condom.